Understanding Conflict, Disagreements and Bullying

By Charlotte Wilson, Mental Health and Wellbeing Leader

This week is Bullying No Way Week, Australia’s national week of action to prevent bullying. This year’s theme, Small Acts, Big Impact, reminds us that creating safe, respectful and inclusive communities is everyone’s responsibility.

At Sorrento Primary School, we are incredibly fortunate to be part of a caring, connected and supportive community. Every day we see acts of kindness, inclusion and friendship that remind us of the wonderful young people we have the privilege of teaching and learning alongside.

Like every school community, children will sometimes experience disagreements, friendship changes, conflict and, occasionally, bullying. These experiences may occur at school, online or within the broader community. While each deserves to be taken seriously and supported, it is important that we understand the difference so we can respond in the most appropriate way.

One of the most important things we can do as parents, carers and educators is understand that difference.

Conflict and disagreements are a normal and important part of growing up. Bullying is not.

Our role as adults isn’t to remove every challenge from children’s lives. It is to help children develop the insight, skills and confidence to navigate those challenges with increasing independence.

Through everyday disagreements and relationship challenges, children develop lifelong skills such as communicating, negotiating, compromising, managing disappointment, understanding another person’s perspective and repairing relationships. These moments, while often uncomfortable, provide valuable opportunities for learning and growth.

They can absolutely be upsetting and deserve our support, but they are not always bullying.

The nationally agreed definition of bullying is very clear. For behaviour to be considered bullying, it involves:

• A misuse of power in a relationship
• Ongoing or repeated behaviour (or behaviour with the potential to be repeated online)
• Behaviour intended to cause physical, social or psychological harm

Understanding this definition helps ensure genuine bullying is recognised and addressed promptly, while also allowing children to learn and grow through the everyday conflicts that are a normal part of childhood.

If you would like to learn more specifically about bullying, I highly recommend the Bullying No Way parent resources. They provide clear, evidence-informed information about:

• what bullying is and isn’t
• warning signs to look for
• how to support your child
• how schools respond to bullying concerns

Bullying No Way | Information and resources for families

When Conflict Happens

While bullying requires a specific response, most relationship challenges children experience are everyday conflicts that provide valuable opportunities for learning, growth and skill development.

With support from caring adults, these moments help children develop empathy, perspective-taking, problem-solving and the confidence to navigate relationships throughout their lives.

When your child comes home upset about a disagreement, our first instinct is often to solve the problem. One of the greatest gifts we can give them, however, is the opportunity to first make sense of what happened before we rush to solve it.

Start with Curiosity

Rather than rushing to solutions, help your child separate the facts from the story they may be telling themselves.

You might ask:

• What happened?
• What do you know for sure?
• What might you be assuming?
• Is there another way someone else might describe what happened?

Helping children distinguish between facts and the narratives our minds naturally create can reduce misunderstandings and encourage more thoughtful responses.

Explore Perspectives

Once your child feels heard, gently encourage them to reflect.

You might ask:

• How were you feeling?
• What were you hoping would happen?
• What do you think the other person might have been thinking?
• How do you think the other person might have been feeling?

These conversations help children develop empathy, perspective-taking and emotional awareness.

Support Problem Solving

Once children feel understood, they are often much more ready to think about what comes next.

You might ask:

• What is a helpful way of thinking about this?
• Are there any thoughts that might be making this situation feel bigger or harder than it really is?
• What do you think could help make things better from here?
• What might you do differently next time?
• What could help repair the relationship?

Rather than rushing to decide who was right or wrong, these conversations help children reflect, understand different perspectives and build confidence in navigating relationships.

One of the most powerful things we can do is also share our own experiences.

Talk about a time you experienced something similar as a child or even as an adult. Share how you felt, what you learnt and what helped repair the relationship.

Children learn not only from our advice, but from seeing that relationships can be messy, misunderstandings happen, and conflict is something we continue learning to navigate throughout our lives.

Not every relationship challenge needs rescuing, but every child deserves support to understand it, learn from it and feel safe while they do.

If You Have Concerns…

Whether your child is experiencing conflict, friendship difficulties or bullying, every concern deserves to be listened to, understood and supported.

Children do not need to decide whether something officially “counts” as bullying before asking for help. Building independence in navigating relationships does not mean managing everything alone.

If something keeps happening, your child feels unsafe or overwhelmed, they have tried to resolve a situation and it isn’t improving, or they simply don’t know what to do next, we encourage them to seek support from a trusted adult.

If your child shares something that worries you, the first step is always to contact your child’s classroom teacher.

Your child’s teacher knows them well, genuinely cares about their wellbeing, and will work alongside you to understand what has happened. They are often able to provide valuable context, gather information from everyone involved and determine the most appropriate next steps.

At Sorrento Primary School, we have invested significant time in developing a consistent, school-wide approach to supporting student wellbeing. Through our Student Support Framework, concerns are carefully explored, appropriate information is gathered, and support pathways are implemented to ensure every child receives the care they need.

Our goal is always to work in partnership with families to understand concerns early, respond thoughtfully and consistently, and support every child to feel safe, connected and able to thrive.